


A Towel, Flowers, and a Cup of Tea

by orphan_account



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, Crossover, M/M, Presents, space boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1454407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Khan may have been an omnicidal maniac, but he was going to court Arthur the proper way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Towel, Flowers, and a Cup of Tea

He was tiny. He was cuddly. He was cute and smart and nice and _perfect_. And Khan was an ex-omnicidal genetically modified maniac who made many bad decisions in his life (to put it very, very lightly). However, despite his shortcomings, he was going to take a leap and court Arthur Dent so nicely, so sweetly, that said Arthur Dent will consent to being wooed into his bed and will hopefully stay there for a very long time. However, despite his genius, Khan knows next to nothing about courtship, and almost next to nothing about Arthur Dent's likes. Extensive research would be absolutely necessary.

1\. Ford Prefect

It was simply logical to first ask one of Arthur's oldest traveling companions, Ford Prefect.

However, when he contacted the Heart of Gold's comms unit, he got an irritating two-headed, three-armed Betelgeusian instead.

"Hey hey hey! Iiiiittt'sss-"

"Shut up," Khan snarled, "I wish to speak to Ford Prefect."

"Oh." Beeblebrox frowned. "Why?"

"Don't ask questions. Fetch him."

"Y-yes, all right." A short silence, then Prefect greeted Khan. "Is everything all right? Is there something you need?"

"Yes. I wish to court Arthur De-"

"Wait seriously?" Prefect cut him off, incredulous. "I mean, not that there's anything wrong with it, but--you and him? Wow."

Khan willed himself not to flush. "Yes," he said, "What do you suggest I present to him? As a gift?"

Ford waved a lazy hand. "Just give him a towel or something. Towels always work."

***

Arthur accepted the fluffy blue cloth, a bit gobsmacked. "I- thank you, it's lovely, but I don't think I need any more towels--Ford keeps giving them to me for every special occasion. I appreciate it, though...?"

Khan nodded, then turned around and stalked down the corridor, leaving a very confused Arthur in his wake.

***

 

2\. Tricia Marie "Trillian" McMillan

Khan's next ~~victim~~ resource was the female Arthur used to travel with. This probably wasn't the brightest idea, but he'd rather go to her second then ask the robot or the imbecile.

Luckily, it was his intended resource who answered the comms.

"Hello? Khan? Is this about Arthur?"

"I- yes, did Prefect tell you?"

"Yes, he said you'd probably ask me next, and he was right." She paused, then continued, "I think you'd be cute together."

"Thank you for your unwarranted opinion," he grumbled.

She sighed. "Flowers."

"What?" He tried to keep the perplexity out of his voice.

"Flowers are a traditional sign of intent, didn't you know?"

"Yes, of course I knew, but would he accept them? They are usually given to the female counterpart on Earth-"

"He wouldn't mind. It's loads better then a towel, anyways."

"Thank you."

***

Arthur blinked at the big bouquet of blooms presented to him as abruptly as the towel. "I- these are lovely. Why are you...?"

"These are for you." Khan tried to ignore the curious looks of the other Enterprise members peering at the colorful flowers he holding. "Please, take them."

Arthur looked even more confused, although that might have been because of Khan saying "please". "Thank you very much, Khan, They are wonderful."

Khan couldn't help but smile when Arthur took the bundle and took a deep breath of the fragrant air. The smile remained on his face for the rest of the day.

 

Even when Hikaru Sulu chased him down with an 12th century Japanese katana for cutting nearly all of his precious flowers.

***

 

3\. Marvin the Paranoid Robot

It was on a coin flip. Heads, he'd ask the robot, tails, he'd go to the imbecile.

The robot was moping around the Enterprise corridors--he was the only one of Arthur's former companions to join Arthur on the Enterprise.

"Is this about the flower debacle earlier?" the robot asked when Khan approached him.

"In a way, yes." he replied gruffly. He did not bother to hide his dislike of the robot.

"Give him the decapitated heads of his enemies. Prove that you can provide and protect him from all dangers."

Khan blinked at him, the closest to showing surprise he would ever get. "I don't think Arthur has any enemies."

Marvin glowered at him. "Then, the next time you get into a fight with a hostile alien species planetside, get him some heads. Works just as well."

Khan frowned as the robot moped away. It seemed sound, so he might as well give it a shot.

***

"In-Khan-ing"

Arthur ignored Dr. McCoy's terrible pun, perking up. He distantly wondered what gift Khan got him this time. Although unexpected, they really were quite lovely and he couldn't help but hope that they were a sign of Khan wanting something more. But then again, he was an utterly perfect specimen who probably wouldn't give Arthur the time of day if Dr. McCoy didn't outright refuse to treat him-

Khan came around the corner. Arthur took one look at him, then started screaming.

He came to to an annoyed Bones holding a hypospray and a very guilty-looking Khan, who immediately started apologizing.

"My apologize, it was not my intention to frighten you, I merely-"

Arthur waved him off. "It's- well, it's not fine, you can't just go around decapitating people, but I forgive you for scaring the daylights out of me, after all, your intentions were--what were your intentions?

Khan did not respond, glancing off to the side. Bones glanced at Khan, looked at Arthur, then burst out laughing. His laughter only got louder when Khan stalked away.

 

Kirk opened his closet that evening and staggered back in shock at the dismantled robot stuffed into it.

Marvin's head wheezed, "This is all very comfortable, but I really would like my body back, if you would please."

***

 

4\. Zaphod Beeblebrox

He was forced to ask the imbecile.

Beeblebrox answered the comms. "So! You have finally come to me, eh? I have-"

Khan interrupted him to snap, "Spit it out already."

Beeblebrox, incredible, fell silent. Then, he said, "Make him tea."

Khan shut off the comms without another word.

***

After the disaster with the decapitated heads, Arthur was slightly nervous about what Khan would get him next.

Which is why it was a relief to have Khan waiting in his quarters next to a table with a steaming teapot and a delicate china tea set.

Arthur blinked at him for an awkward moment, then Khan offered, quietly, "Tea?"

Arthur nodded, "Ah, yes, please, thank you."

As Khan poured tea, Arthur opened his mouth to comment, but Khan beat him to it. "I hope you are not about to call this lovely again. As nice as it is to hear a compliment from you, you have remarked way too many things as 'lovely'."

Arthur closed his mouth, embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"There is no need to be."

They took their tea in companionable silence.

***

 

5\. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy

"Hey, ki- Khan."

Khan turned around and raised an eyebrow at the doctor.

"So, you and Arthur?"

Khan crossed his arms. "I fail to see how that's any of your business."

Dr. McCoy shrugged. "I don't have anything against it, y'know. I just wanted to tell you- you know it's not against the rules to ask him outright?"

"Ask him what?"

He shrugged again. "What he likes. If he'd sleep with you. If he wants burritos or sushi for dinner. Anything, really."

Then the doctor walked away, leaving a contemplative Khan in his wake.

***

"Arthur Dent."

Arthur jumped, nearly dropping the hyposprays he was lining up. He whirled around and smiled at Khan, who was-- remarkably close. He could feel the heat off the other man's chest.

Khan cleared his throat. "I- I've been asking some of you friends, but I decided to ask you..."

Arthur discreetly tried to back up to distance himself from the distracting torso. "Ask me what?"

"I was wondering... what do you enjoy?"

Arthur tried not to hyperventilate. It would be very bad if he passed out now. "Well..." He smiled up at Khan, praying to an unspecified deity that he wasn't misreading the situation. "I like you. An awful lot."

He barely hid a squeak as Khan took another step closer, pressing him against the shelf. "That is fortunate," Khan said, and oh god Arthur could feel the rumble of his voice, "for I like you too. Very, very much."

And then Khan was leaning down, and Arthur was pressing up, and their lips met in a perfect, gentle kiss.


End file.
